


Destruction of Government Property

by YokuMiya



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Government Property, M/M, Military, Superhusbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YokuMiya/pseuds/YokuMiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok so I saw this picture on Facebook. It’s a screenshot of a tumblr post. The post (by narutowiener) says that their friend got in trouble for destruction of government property because she gave her marine husband a hickey that was visible while he was in uniform. The friend got a call where she was told she had harmed government property and not to do it again. Tumblr user seekoutstarlight proceeded to reblog the post and add “someone fic this please” to it sooooo here I am…This story did not make it into my notebook of oneshots for two reasons….one, I haven’t finished the oneshot im currently working on and don’t want to write one that may wind up in the middle of a fic that’s already longer than I intended. And two…I couldn’t decide between making this fic Stony or WinterIron so I flipped a coin and Stony won. I MIGHT do a WinterIron version later and upload it as a chapter two though xD. Either way, Steve, to my knowledge, is still technically in the military because he was never discharged and he is not dead like people thought soooo….yea. This happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve/Tony

Destruction of Government Property  
Summary: Ok so I saw this picture on Facebook. It’s a screenshot of a tumblr post. The post (by narutowiener) says that their friend got in trouble for destruction of government property because she gave her marine husband a hickey that was visible while he was in uniform. The friend got a call where she was told she had harmed government property and not to do it again. Tumblr user seekoutstarlight proceeded to reblog the post and add “someone fic this please” to it sooooo here I am…This story did not make it into my notebook of oneshots for two reasons….one, I haven’t finished the oneshot im currently working on and don’t want to write one that may wind up in the middle of a fic that’s already longer than I intended. And two…I couldn’t decide between making this fic Stony or WinterIron so I flipped a coin and Stony won. I MIGHT do a WinterIron version later and upload it as a chapter two though xD. Either way, Steve, to my knowledge, is still technically in the military because he was never discharged and he is not dead like people thought soooo….yea. This happened.

Chapter One

It all started with a letter. Tony grabbed the fan mail for the team on his way up to the penthouse, coming back from a board meeting that Pepper dragged him to. When he stepped off the elevator, he sat down on the couch and started sorting the letters into piles. One for each member of the team and a separate pile for the letters addressed to all of them. At the bottom of the stack of letters he was sorting, Tony found one that was too formal to be sent by a kid…or any fan really. This letter was from the military. “It better not be another attempt at getting me back into weapons.” Tony muttered darkly, tearing the envelope open.  
The letter read: “Dear Mr. Stark, We are writing to inform you that we noticed the damage you recently caused to government property and, as you obviously are not aware of it, we have decided to let you off with a warning. Do not repeat these heinous actions or we will be forced to take more serious actions.” A photo was attached at the bottom of the letter…a photo of Steve in his uniform, with the cowl down and a hickey visible right above the collar of his suit.  
“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Tony burst out, one part outraged, one part laughing his ass off. “What now, Stark?” Clint asked, dropping down from the vents. “What the fuck! We’ve been over this Barton. Don’t give the guy with the heart condition a heart attack!” “Whatever….did the military really send you a letter to tell you not to give your husband hickeys…?” “Looks that way.” Tony laughed. “I’m gonna go show Steve.”

After Steve read the letter, he looked like he couldn’t decide between being angry and laughing. “They don’t have the right to this! Even if I’m still technically in the military, I’m not part of any branch controlled by the government. You’re my husband. How the hell can they tell you not to do that?! It’s not like the marks last long anyway.” Steve ranted until Tony kissed him quiet. “I think they’re just mad because I did it right before a press conference.” Tony chuckled. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of our day hm?” “Fine.” Steve agreed.

The next day, Tony came up from his shop for coffee around lunch time and Clint promptly dragged him to the living room. Natasha turned on the T.V. to reveal Steve doing an impromptu press conference. “And furthermore, to the higher ups in the military who think they can tell my husband not to leave hickeys on my neck, mind your own business. He’s my husband, and in the military I may be, but that does NOT make me government property. If he ever gets a letter of that sort again, especially the threats to retaliate if it occurs again, you will find yourself short one Captain America. I don’t take threats against my loved ones lightly. You made a mistake threatening Tony. I love him and it’s not ‘damaging government property’ for my husband to leave a hickey on my neck. Especially not with how quickly they fade. This is your first and last warning to not threaten him.” Steve concluded his speech. “Congratulations, Tony. You made Captain America rebel against the military.” Natasha laughed. “I did no such thing. He does that on his own all the time.” Tony said, as soon as he could speak again. “I’m going to go find a suitable way to reward him…” “Gah! Invent brain bleach first!” Clint cried out, covering his ears.


	2. Bucky/Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eh it's the Bucky/Tony sequel I promised in the first chapter. Next chapter will be Steve/Bucky/Tony.

Dear Mr. Stark,

We are writing to inform you that your actions will not be tolerated. You may be the richest man in the country, but that does not give you the right to do as you please without consequence. As of right now, the United States Military is issuing you an official warning. Should you choose not to heed our warning, we will take action against you, in whatever form we deem necessary, be it legal or a physical strike. As of this point in time, you have been warned to cease and desist your reckless damaging of government property. If you leave one more mark on Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, we will be forced to act against you.

Tony read over the letter three times to make sure he read it correctly before he promptly burst out laughing. He was still laughing as he stepped off the elevator, the rest of the mail in hand. As Tony walked into the kitchen, a cup of coffee was shoved in front of him by an amused looking Bucky.

“Hey doll. What’s so funny?” Bucky asked, happy to see his lover in such a good mood, despite the latest round of gossip (trash) the media was spreading about him.

“Oh I got a letter from General Ross today.” Tony said, feigning anger.

“Does that ass still want you to admit you’re hiding Banner here?” Clint groaned.

“Actually…this letter has nothing to do with Bruce. I think they just made him sign it because he has experience ‘dealing’ with me.” Tony chuckled. “It’s basically telling me the military is gonna try to arrest me or take me to court if I keep leaving hickies on Bucky.”

“What the hell?! They can’t do that! You’re my lover, fuck’s sake we’ve been married for almost a year! You’d think they’d be used to that.” Bucky snapped.

“Yea well they called you “government property” and said I “damaged” you so…” Tony trailed off, suddenly not thinking the letter was funny. “They’re acting like you belong to them…but you don’t. You’re you and you own you and they have no right to try and decide shit like that for you and god fucking damnit I’m gonna-.” Tony started ranting, turning around only to run right into Steve.

“Who’s trying to control who now?” Steve asked, amused at the genius’s ranting.

“The military is trying to control how Bucky lives his life!” Tony said, glaring at the now offending letter.

“What? Why?” Steve asked, suddenly defensive.

“They’re mad that he had a hickie on his neck at that gala last week and sent me a letter warning me to stop “damaging government property” and crap like that. You’re not even in the military anymore are you?” Tony asked.

“Nope. Never got back in. I work for S.H.I.E.L.D. now remember?” Bucky answered.

“They can’t do that, even if he was still in the military. You’re his husband!” Steve practically shouted, outraged on behalf of his best friends.  
“I’m gonna go talk to Pepper, get this fixed. I’ll be damned if these assholes try to control anyone on our team.” Tony said, stalking off to plan.

NEXT DAY

“Ok sweet, everybody’s here. So, you know that I’ve been dropping big news on you all the last few conferences.” Tony started. “Well this is…similar. I want to first direct your attention to the screen behind me.” He gestured to the screen, where an image of the letter appeared. “I received this letter yesterday from our wonderful military, warning me off of damaging government property. I got this letter because I left a hickie on my husband, who is former military. In light of the research I did last night, where I discovered that many people receive similar letters each year, I would like to remind our government and out military of a few crucial things. First, just in general these people you are describing as “government property” are HUMAN BEINGS, citizens of the United States, and freely CHOSE to join the military. They belong to themselves, and if they so choose, to whatever God or higher power they CHOOSE to belong to. You do not own them. Second, it is not damaging them because it is a mark that fades relatively quickly, especially in my own case, and generally does not hurt or hinder anyone. Third, in the case of people who are no longer in the military, butt the fuck out. They quit, they are not your property and honestly never were. Fourth, and this applies mostly to this specific case, Bucky was HUNTED by you people for crimes you were to damn dumb to realize he didn’t commit. Even after it was proved that he was brainwashed, you tried to arrest him and test on him. So back the fuck off. I will NOT speak for my teammates, but I’m getting sick of you bothering him. Peace!” Tony flashed a peace sign and walked off scowling.

“Can you ever stick to the cards?” Pepper sighed.

“Nope. Later Pep.” Tony laughed.

As Tony walked to the car, he was bombarded with questions and the flash of cameras. He stepped in, started the car, revved the engine, and took off. Upon arrival to the tower, “Where is everyone Jay?” Tony asked.

“They are on the communal floor, watching the press conference.” JARVIS responded.

“Yay.” Tony stepped off the elevator. “Didn’t go too far, did I?” Tony asked.

“No, but they’re pissed. And the government and military are both scrambling, trying to apologize and crap. It’s funny.” Bucky laughed, standing up to embrace his husband. “You’re amazing. Love you, sweetheart.” He leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss across Tony’s lips.

“Love you too, Sergeant.” Tony said as they broke the kiss.

“Get. A. Room.” Clint snarled.

“Technically, we have a room. My tower, my room, Birdbrain. But…I GUESS we can go up to our bedroom.” Tony singsonged back.


	3. Steve/Bucky/Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the third and final chapter. Enjoy :)

Chapter Three Steve/Bucky/Tony

It was a normal day at the tower when JARVIS announced the arrival of General Ross to the team, who were enjoying a veritable buffet for breakfast, prepared by Steve. The super soldier paused in whisking more pancake batter to shoot a worried glance at Bruce. Bruce had frozen with a forkful of eggs just inches from his mouth, before looking up, a little green around the eyes. Clint and Natasha both suddenly looked borderline murderous. Tony looked pissed and like he was gearing up for a fight. Bucky just walked across the room and grabbed a gun out of the closet.

“JARVIS, keep him in the lobby. Let him know that I’ll be down momentarily to deal with him.” Tony said evenly, rising from his chair. “Don’t worry Brucie bear. None of us will let him at you. You’re safe here.” Tony said, smiling at his science bro.

“I’m going with you.” Bucky and Steve said, simultaneously.

“Nope. But…if you wanted to hide in the vents or the stairwell with a couple guns or the shield….well I wouldn’t know.” Tony hinted, as he stepped into the elevator.

“Barton, what’s the fastest way to the vent above the elevator in the lobby?” Bucky asked, making sure his gun was loaded.

“Climb into the vent over the fridge and go left immediately. Go til the third intersection and go right til you can drop down. Just repel down the whole way and then go straight. You’ll be right there.” Clint recited.

“I’ll be behind the door. If he makes one move you don’t like,-“ Steve started.

“You mean like coming to the tower?” Bucky snarled.

“No…like trying to get past Tony or touch him in any way.” Steve clarified. “But if he does something you don’t like, fire a warning shot. Aim for the feet or past his head. I’ll step out with the shield, you choose if you stay in the vent or drop out, and we give Tony time to summon the suit and kick him out.” Steve concluded.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Bucky said, climbing up into the vent.

Steve raced to his floor and got his shield before taking the stairs and just jumping the last five floors, ducking down behind the door.

MEANWHILE WITH TONY AND GENERAL ROSS

“General, how can I help you?” Tony asked, obviously defensive.

“No need to be so defensive, Mr. Stark.” General Ross stated. “I’m just here to speak to you.”

“If you wanna try and get me to tell you anything about Dr. Banner, I’ll save you the trouble. Leave, now.” Tony said.

“I’m actually not here about Dr. Banner. I’m here to speak to you about something that both the government and the military have noticed and need you to stop.” Ross replied.

“What? Did AIM make a reappearance?” Tony asked, suddenly alert. “Do I need to bring the rest of the team down?”

“No no, not at all. It is something to do only with you, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes.” Ross explained.

Unbeknownst to Ross and Tony, the super soldiers in question got into their positions at that point in time and Bucky almost fired that warning shot.

“What about them?” Tony snarled. “We’ve been over this, Bucky is NOT a HYDRA agent. He was a double agent for SHIELD. Talk to Fury about it.”

“Nothing to do with that either.” Ross said, hands up in surrender. “What we noticed is a distinct increase in bruises on Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes’ necks. The government and military decided I was the best choice to ask you to stop damaging public property. We recognize that you are in a relationship with both of them. However, that does not excuse your blatant disregard for maintaining the immaculate presentation of two of the militaries finest soldiers.”

“You…want me to stop….leaving hickies on my husbands?” Tony asked slowly, unable to comprehend the stupidity.

“In a manner of speaking, yes.” Ross responded.

“And if I refuse? If I point out that technically, neither of them have been in the military for over 70 years? If I remind you that they are both human, citizens of the United States, and therefore, cannot be owned by any person or organization?” Tony stated in his “please the press voice”.

“Then I’ll be forced to stop you. This is not a request Mr. Stark, nor is it a joke.” The general responded, taking a step towards Tony.

Bucky fired two warning shots, one right at the generals’ feet, and the other right past his ear. Steve kicked open the door to the stairwell and stepped out, adjusting the shield on his arm. Bucky kicked out the vent, “I’ll fix that for ya later doll,” and jumped down, landing in a crouch with his gun drawn.

“Back the fuck off General.” Bucky snarled. “Tony is our husband, we are NOT military, and we will not let you or anyone else try to stop him from marking us however he wants when we put him through the mattress.” It was so fierce and lewd and so, so Bucky that Tony burst out laughing, while Steve blushed but stepped up beside Tony.

“I’ll only say this once General. Leave and report back to the military and the government both, that Tony did not answer your order. Report that Sergeant Barnes and I refused it flat out, without letting Tony answer. And be warned, if you or anyone else tries to make it seem like Tony is blatantly disobeying either the military or the government we will do a press conference explaining the situation and showing the security footage from this conversation. Have a good day, sir.” Steve said, finishing with a salute.

Bucky mimicked the salute and Tony flashed a peace sign. “You have your response. Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.” Tony laughed.

“This isn’t the end of this.” General Ross promised, walking out the door.

“The hell it ain’t.” Bucky smirked.

“So what happened?” Clint asked, when the three stepped off the elevator.

“We heard gunshots. I’m assuming Ross tried to attack you?” Natasha asked, sharpening a knife.

“Well, first it had nothing to do with Bruce. Second, apparently the military and government don’t like that I’ve been leaving hickies on my husbands.” Tony laughed. “On that note, I think it’s past time to add some more.” He stated, with a suggestive wink towards his super soldiers.

“Oh really? I can think of a few ways to do that.” Bucky said, dropping back into his Brooklyn accent.

“You two are horrible.” Steve deadpanned. “Can we at least make it to the bedroom first?”

“Please do.” Clint begged.

“Seconded.” Natasha stated, without looking up.

“Meeting adjourned. Go have fun, in your own room.” Bruce said, leaving no room for argument.

**Author's Note:**

> I might do a WinterIron as chapter two...and a Steve/Bucky/Tony as a chapter three....and a sequel of Thor and Bruce's reactions. Maybe...also. I suck at endings...especially if I write something in under an hour.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Necklace](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289559) by [HashtagLEH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HashtagLEH/pseuds/HashtagLEH)




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